this one goes out to people who think assimilation is still a viable option. this might not be easy to hear, but i hope it helps.

it’s known (although not always practiced) that functioning labels don’t work and create unnecessary divisions in our community. unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that the trappings of functioning labels have gone away. especially in organizations that were (or are) serving people with Asperger’s, there’s a lot of emphasis on job placement and mainstreaming – replete with photos of happy, confident white faces.

y’all.

it’s ok to fail at mapping to “high functioning”: success, mainstreaming, whatever you want to call it. a little, a lot, altogether – it doesn’t matter. you’re good as you are. if you *choose* to find a way that works for you, that’s different. if you’re being forced to, economically or otherwise, please realize this, if you don’t already: you may need extra support, if you can manage it. (if you’re ready to break things out of frustration over the obviousness that statement, that’s relatable and i understand. when you’re ready, if you’re ready, continue on – i get to covering the “how” of that, somewhat.) this is how people burn out – having no outlet to be themselves, save for with a partner or close friend, maybe (who may or may not be supportive, who may or may not be autistic themselves) — and that’s not enough, for a lot of us.

success in neurotypical society gets held up for us, including by many in our community, in an aspirational way, rather than being the “unobtainable goal and/or increased suicide risk indicator” mess that it is for most of us. if you’re not in some lifestyle unobtainum spiral and/or repeated cycle of burnout, good on you. if you’re getting support around mainstreaming that works for you, fine. perhaps though, consider that there’s reasons for that, both in terms of your ability to adapt to neurotypical society and possibly, other forms of privilege, relative, systemic or both, including being labeled as “high functioning”, personally or clinically. i remain unconvinced that a lot of us aren’t trying to talk ourselves out of being disabled with all that, in no small part out of desperation – but also, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go in a lot of cases, other than tough it out, and grab whatever support you can, as it appears.

this is how people burn out. it’s definitely how i did, repeatedly, as a “not really functional” autie — even as i knew that i was disabled, but i couldn’t get coherent answers to save my life, all the way back to grade school. the difference between finding a way to adaptability that works for someone on their own terms (or workable interdependence, rather than independence) is given short shrift. fitting an ableist definition of “hirable” doesn’t magically make someone neurotypical, if anything, it can lead to false expectations. which leads to trying to catch up, which leads to social burnout, then full burnout. repeat.

when I hear Autistic talk about not being able to unmask, that they don’t even know who they are without one – it makes me wonder if this is a matter of being forced into a closet more than anything having to do with relative ability in relation to society.

don’t listen to people who try to make you sound like you’re not valid if you can’t work, if you don’t get the rules, if you scramble to pull things together, and they fall apart anyway – you are valid, and i love you. all i ask is that if you hurt someone, learn from your mistakes. if it doesn’t work, keep trying. i promise to do the same. together, we will get free.