This is a first draft. (Yes, I’m trying to set something off here.) I’m especially looking for feedback from Autistics, especially ones who went through ABA or ABA-like programs in the school system. (I’m in my 50s. I went through a whole bunch of behavioralist, ABA-like experiences, including assessment, but this was before inclusion of autistic children was mandated as part of the U.S. school system’s requirements.) “Play nice”, don’t flame me or others, but please feel free to leave comments and feedback.

For Autistic students:

— You have a right to play alone.

— You have a right to your interests.

— You have a right to say “no”, and be taken seriously.

— You have a right to your stims.

— You have a right to not make eye contact.

— You have a right to move your body.

— You have right to sit where you want, and that’s yours.

— You have a right to learn.

— You have a right not to learn.

— You have a right to make mistakes.

— You have a right not to trust people.

— You have a right to interact with who you want.

— You have a right to make friends of your own choosing.

— You have a right to respect.

— You have a right to self-determination.

— You have a right to self-advocacy.

— If nobody understands what you’re asking for, find a way to tell them. (This may take some time.)

— If doing something hurts, try to find something that doesn’t hurt that works just as well. (It’s ok if you can’t.)

— If you make a mistake and people get mad, ask why in whatever way is safe, if possible. (It’s ok to make your own decisions.)

— People say and do things for reasons other than you might think. Observe, learn, and if possible, ask. (You have a right to not respond.)

For parents:

— Embrace the child who is front of you, not the one that you hoped for.

— Reject ABA, both at a therapist’s office or center, and at home. Being assessed and aggressed upon by teachers messed me up, but not as half as much as having compliance forced on me at home did.  (This was before ABA was formalized as school-age “intervention” under IDEA, otherwise they probably would’ve subjected me to that as well, and fucked me up even more.)

— Advocate for your child. Parent and teacher-led advocacy is one of the things that helped me break free – not from autism, but from people who kept trying to “fix” me. Presume competence.

— If your child has affirming teachers who they have rapport with – let your child know that you support those teachers, and that you disapprove of the ones that deny your child’s humanity.

— Interests aren’t talents or career paths, necessarily. They’re interests, which is enough on its own. (If they wind up being career paths or long-term pursuits, that’s fine too.)

— Never demand quiet hands. (This is part of what messed me up.) Suppressing stims, echolalia and interests is abusive. If you need a time out for yourself, take it.

— Aggressive behavior is happening for a reason. Center your child’s needs, not their behaviors.

— Read the section for teachers below; it’s relevant to parenting as well.

For teachers:

— Dump ABA, including the “good” ABA. ABA is conversion therapy for autistics. Torturing children for being trans or gay isn’t acceptable, torturing us for being autistic shouldn’t be, either.

— Allow students to find their own interests.

— Don’t suppress student’s stims.

— Explosive behavior (hitting, kicking) is communication and self-regulation. Find out what is being said.

— If students want to play alone, let them.

— Ask students about their interests, *gently*.

— Create a welcoming environment, full of things to explore and learn about.

— Create an environment that’s focused on learning.

— What you might think is important isn’t necessarily the same as what your students think is important.

— Don’t force gender expression. Let students express themselves in ways that work for them.

— If a student is swinging their arms, and not seriously injuring themselves: take a step back.

— No restraints! Restraints are violence.

— Every Autistic student is different.

— Every Autistic student is valid.