Category Archives: Police

AAC, autistic burnout, Communication, Police, Violence against us

“you’re not disabled enough to use AAC”

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TW: forced commitment, prisons

i used to buy into this. i don’t anymore.

as mel baggs explains, “don’t use AAC, you’re not disabled enough, not non-speaking enough” is the wrong way to approach things.

i’ve wanted to use AAC for years, and hid out a lot when i can’t speak, in part because of my assumption that i might offend someone if i used AAC, or learned how to fluently sign. it held me back, both personally and in terms of interacting in society.

the more people use AAC, the more common it becomes, which makes it better for *everybody* who can or might benefit from its use.

i’ve spent a lot of my life hiding being non-speaking, but i’m working on that being no longer the case. it messes with my communicating with other people (imagine having to rehearse most of your conversations, and what might happen as a result), and burns me out (imagine feeling like you’re trying to shift a large truck out of a stuck gear).

yes, i can script, and mask speech, at times. it doesn’t always work. i’ll be speaking, masking away, then…i can’t. so then i start trying to cover that up. until that doesn’t work either. so then, i’ll shrug, smile and silently hope for the best. then i’ll burn out, hide out or both.

go to the store? prepare in advance. go to a meeting? prepare in advance. meet a friend? prepare in advance. if i can’t script, mask. if i can’t mask, fake non-fluid speech. if everything shuts off, shrug and smile. pray not to get detained, arrested or 5150ed.

here’s to no longer hiding. 💃🏽

Autistic community, Autistic People of Color, Passing/Masking, Police, Self-advocacy, Violence against us

Scripting and non-compliance

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Scripting = making your way through a conversation based on memorized interactions.

This doesn’t include talking (or not talking) about interests, that’s its own dynamic.

It’s ok to not script because:

  • It’s painful
  • It’s exhausting
  • It’s overwhelming

That is hopefully a given, but also: it’s ok not to script because you don’t like doing it.

There’s a lot of social skills training materials around, including for autistic adults. scripting is a common topic. “How to do interviews.” “How to go on a date.” “How to keep a job.” What seems to get left out, especially in context, is that it’s ok *not* to script as well. Non-compliance is a social skill! It may not always be desirable, or even safely possible, but knowing how to not comply is a *critical skill*, every bit as much as scripting.

This has parallels to the community-based conversations around masking.

Sometimes, scripting (if possible) is necessary to avoid getting harassed, arrested or worse, but that’s not necessarily the same as doing it because it’s getting you something you want or need, past “surviving the moment”. Which is clearly important, and necessary (especially if you’re a potential target for harassment, abuse or violence, including from the police), but that’s only one facet of life (an important one). That’s a whole other conversation, though.

Scripting is usually somewhere between “massively boring” and “exhausting, sometimes painful” for me. My unmasked state of conversing is slow and with my eyes closed, or not speaking. Some sort of social make-believe conversation as part of a social transaction isn’t where I live, it’s a courtesy and an actual waste of my time and energy in most cases. It’s what I do to eat and pay the bills, as needed. Automation is a pretty strong curb cut for me.

It’s taken a while for me to be proud of bolting from shitty conversations, but i’m getting there. That’s non-compliance, too, and should be celebrated. Do I do my best if a cop stops me? Definitely, but that’s not fun, either. I don’t want someone to teach me how to “pass for the nice officer”, especially on compliance (rather than survival) terms. Work isn’t really any different, save for getting paid. ✊🏽